The Lie of Disappointment

Expectations for myself this week: Do everything perfectly. Treat everyone perfectly. Solve all the problems, finish all the work, be everyone’s everything. All the while, with unending JOY and energy.

Reality for myself this week: That all went pretty well…on Monday.

Ever feel this way?

By Tuesday, I was tired, definitely had not finished all the work (by the way, it just keeps coming – that’s the point), and absolutely had not loved people as well as I wanted to.

Wednesday morning, even though I went to the gym and drank a smoothie with SPINACH in it (who am I, even?), I still felt a little rotten and disappointed in myself.

That word was kind of a theme: disappointed. I had several conversations with people this week that revolved around this as well:  I feel like God is disappointed with me sometimes. Or, I just feel like I’m disappointing everyone.

This can become a soapbox for me; I’m really good at telling people NO! God is never disappointed in you. Or, NO! Your worth is not dependent on other people’s approval.

I wonder how often something becomes my soapbox because I need it shouted at myself, maybe more than anyone else does.

So this week, I felt disappointed in myself (which I learned last week, at my most stressed, my personality type goes straight to criticism – of self and others), and if I’m honest, felt like God was disappointed in me too.

So what do we do with this?

When I actually sat down and thought about it, I started questioning my soapbox speech:

Wait, could God actually be disappointed in me?

Like with almost everything else, I like to look back at Genesis. My pastor said, “Every question you have about life can be answered in the first three chapters of the Bible.” I agree.

So I wondered about Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the fruit. Was He disappointed in them? I think He probably was. They disobeyed and brought sin into the world.

Here is the difference for us: the Cross. We needed Jesus’ sacrifice because of what Adam and Eve did. He came and gave the ultimate sacrifice so that no longer were we defined by our sins and disappointments. All of that was removed.

You can also read this blog by Jonathan Merritt; it explains this in a beautiful way.

Here’s the honest truth for you today: God isn’t disappointed in you.

We can believe that. We need to believe that. Like Merritt says in that post, God may be sometimes disappointed for us, when we don’t live things out in the way He intended. But He is never disappointed in us, because we are forgiven and free.

I love this quote from that post by Brennan Manning:

“He is not moody or capricious; He knows no seasons of change. He has a single relentless stance towards us: He loves us. He is the only God man has ever heard of who loves sinners. False gods – the gods of human manufacturing – despise sinners, but the Father of Jesus loves all, no matter what they do. But of course, this is almost too incredible for us to accept.”

So this quote asks two questions of us:

“The gods of human manufacturing – despise sinners…” – If we are believing that God is disappointed in us, we are not talking about the right God. This is a god of our manufacturing. Do you know the one true God who loves sinners? I’m not questioning your faith or your salvation, but sometimes we need to identify the lies we are believing – both about ourselves and our God.

“This is almost too incredible for us to accept.” What is keeping you from accepting this love? What is standing in the way of you believing that you are forgiven and free, and that the God of the universe is proud to be seen with you?

I’m asking these questions of myself as well, as always. The beautiful thing about this life is that we never have to do it alone. Let’s believe together in a God who is never disappointed in us, who has great hopes for us, and never stops loving us.

Love you friends,

Kal.

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One of those twenty-somethings trying to find my way through this silly world. I write to process, and sometimes send those thoughts out into the void. Passionate about Jesus and people and bringing those two together. Living in and loving Denver. Working with college students, who are the coolest. Seeking Jesus in everything.

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