fear of insignificance (the paradox of humility)

Through this season of Lent, and giving up fear, my biggest fear has become so evident to me: fear of insignificance.

I believed for so long that I was insignificant. I still fear it.

I want my life to matter. I want to impact, have influence, make a name, “leave my mark.”

After feeling forgettable for so long, finally I let God start speaking a different story over me. However, here I am, at 25, still feeling like I have to earn my significance; still believing that my life will only matter if people know my name.

My whole life has been a question of will they notice if I’m gone? Do they love me? How many people read my blog?

You won’t be successful until it’s not about you anymore.

Um, what?

God is quite paradoxical. He says and calls us to so many things that don’t make any sense. That seem backwards, or conflicting. Things that don’t seem like they could go together.

Like that: You won’t be successful until it’s not about you anymore.

I have been so consumed with proving myself; I have based everything on my own name. I am only concerned with furthering my status, wanting to make my name famous.

So many people have forgotten my name in the past – so I will make sure everyone remembers it in the future.

How silly. When I am gone, no one will remember my name. And it doesn’t matter.

But my purpose here is to make His name famous. It is not about me. It is about Him.

Humility washes over us like a tidal wave, finally refocusing our hearts on what really matters.

His name, not mine.

His glory, not mine.

His power, not mine.

The funny thing? We will have so much more influence when we are walking in His power rather than our own. He can do so much more with our lives when we aren’t always looking in the mirror.

We have nothing to fear, including insignificance, when we embrace and walk in the power of the Creator of the Universe. He made us, calls us, redeems us, and equips us. It is never about our own ability or status.

We don’t have to compare ourselves to others. We don’t have to worry about who knows our names. All we need to concern ourselves with is making His Name known.

No other name. Once we start living to make His name famous rather than our own, our lives will have more meaning and influence than we could’ve ever imagined. What a paradox.

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I write to process, and sometimes send those thoughts out into the void. Passionate about Jesus and people and bringing those two together. Living in and loving Denver. Working with college students, who are the coolest. Seeking Jesus and JOY in everything.

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