Runaway

My mind was blown by a quote in a book I am currently reading.  The author tells a story of a woman who had experienced extreme tragedy in her life, and when asked how she survived it all she responded, “Once we know how much He loves us, there’s just nothing else.” 
It is easier to believe this in the hard times, I think.  When we have nothing or no one to lean on other than God, it is an easy choice – because it is our only choice.
But what happens when fifteen great Christian people are around all the time? It is easy to switch my dependence on God to being dependent on people. To judge and perceive how much I am loved and how much I am worth on what they think of me, what they invite me to, and what they say about me.
It is easy for me to seek love and affirmation from other people.  I am an encourager, an includer, an empathizer. And I really believe that our biggest strengths can often be our biggest weaknesses.  For me, I show love and appreciation in these ways because they are the way I feel loved.  When I receive affirmation or am invited or included, I know I am loved. 
The problem is, humans are not always affirming or inviting all the time (gasp!).  There is always going to be a point in my day or life where I have to rely on something else for my worth and value. 
Ultimately it is always going to end badly when I place my value in human hands; it will probably end up with me being bitter because really you can never receive enough affirmation – the bucket has a large hole in the bottom and leaks faster than it is filled. 
Once we know how much He loves us, there’s just nothing else.
This quote. It just keeps bouncing around the walls of my head, inviting me to something more.  I keep fighting this battle.  I keep knowing in my head that God’s love has to be enough, yet still in my heart I am searching for love and acceptance in other places.
“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love!”  Every time I sing that I am reminded…I’m a runaway.  We all are.  My running away might look really different than others – it’s a ‘ride my bike down the street to where I can still see my house’ kind of running away.  But I still hold my heart in my hands and offer it out to other people in hopes that they can “take it and seal it” and keep it safe. 
I’m trying to learn that quote for myself.  Trying to live out of that place.  I want to give God my runaway heart and my search for value because He is the repairer and fulfiller of all those things.  I am trying to daily remember that He knows my name, knows my heart, sees me, cares for me, and loves me despite my runaway tendencies. 
Once we know how much He loves us, there’s just nothing else.
Ask Him how much He loves you.  Ask Him to show you.  He will.  He is a God that shows up, especially when we seek Him.

“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)

* The book I am reading is Beautiful Battlefields by Bo Stern (:

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One of those twenty-somethings trying to find my way through this silly world. I write to process, and sometimes send those thoughts out into the void. Passionate about Jesus and people and bringing those two together. Living in and loving Denver. Working with college students, who are the coolest. Seeking Jesus in everything.

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