(that title is an inside joke for Gordon students – ha. ha. eye roll.)
I’m not sure I’m as fun as I used to be.
I was reminded of a ridiculously goofy and spontaneous thing I did back in college, and after reliving those moments I sighed to myself, “I’m not fun anymore.”
I used to be a ‘yes-girl’. I would say yes to most things people asked of me. I remember my freshman year of college, a friend from down the hall sticking her head in my door at 11 at night and inviting me to Denny’s. I said, of course, “Yes I’ll come” to which she responded, “I knew you would say yes! You always say yes!”
I realized in that moment that what she was saying as a good thing was probably a dangerous thing. So I started being more aware of my yes’s. Which is healthy and good. But I think I have swung to the other extreme of the pendulum and become a ‘no-girl’. Which I don’t really want to be either.
I know I am (probably) past the days of dressing up in neon windbreakers and going to Coldstone or ding-dong ditching the president of my college (don’t worry, we were leaving him flowers and an invitation), but I just feel like I have suppressed my adventurous side. I think I have let responsibility overtake my passion and practicing what Mark Batterson calls, “irresponsible responsibility”.
I haven’t visited my best friend in North Carolina because I don’t have the money. Which is true, and when you lose your job you don’t really get to go buy plane tickets (but come on, its my chance to be the star of my own Nicholas Sparks movie!). But that kind of thinking can lead to turning down all kinds of adventures and passions and dreams just because it seems like the responsible thing to do. We turn responsibility into an excuse.
Jesus asked a whole lot of people to drop what seemed responsible to them and follow Him in a way that probably seemed irresponsible and downright stupid. And some people said no. The rich young ruler said no. And that is all that was ever written about him.
Those that said yes, well they lived adventurous, risky, crazy lives that probably scared them on the daily. But they came out of it not only with amazing stories to tell of miracles, healings, and storms being calmed, but with a great love and close friendship with the Lord of Heaven and earth. They could say they really knew Jesus.
I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I said no to some of the scary amazing adventures that Jesus offered to me. I don’t want my gravestone to say, “well, at least she was responsible.”
I don’t want to live irresponsibly, or irresponsibly responsibly. There is wisdom and discernment required in knowing which is which.
All I know is that the life God wants and plans for me, is full of adventure and mystery. And I don’t want to miss out on any of it.
Because He tells me, “We have something SO GOOD planned for you.”