Oh hey old friend, its been awhile.
There are several reasons why I don’t blog as often as I would like to.
One, I’m just lazy sometimes.
Two, I feel like I should have some awe-inspiring insight to share with whoever is reading…or else its not worth it.
Three, I think I have a lack of direction when it comes to my purpose in blogging…but that’s something for another day.
So here I am, just writing for writing’s sake.
Small confession – I’m motivated to write because someone today told me that I’m a good writer.
Which leads me to: What Kallie is currently learning.
One of my top love languages is words of affirmation (did you guess it? if someone says i’m a good writer, i’ll write…). But I have realized in the recent past that this can be a dangerous love language. Like all love languages, I suppose, it is not always there for you. I can’t always have words of affirmation flowing in – and if I ask for them, well, that just defeats the purpose. That is what we called in middle school, “Fishing for compliments.”
But the real thing I’ve been learning about words of affirmation, and affirmation in general, is that as someone who claims to be a devoted follower of Christ, my affirmation should not need to come from people.
I’m learning about my place as the Beloved of God. As one of my professors so profoundly pointed out, maybe John didn’t give himself the nickname “the disciple who Jesus loved” because he was arrogant or because he wanted people to know he was Jesus’ favorite, it was because he understood his identity as the Lord’s Beloved child. I am God’s beloved – you, my friend, are God’s beloved.
(chew on that for a while, why dontcha.)
Its remarkable, right? And it would seem that the realization of this would inspire a life of not being influenced by or needy for the world’s affirmation but, of course, we are broken people.
And I had this realization a few weeks ago, when looking back over my life and labeling what the main desires of my heart have been (prompted by a book for school, I wish I had these moments of pure thoughtfulness on my own) I saw that I have spent the past 23 years desiring and working to be Liked. To be loved.
When all that time, the God of the universe was screaming from the mountaintops of Heaven, “I LOVE YOU!” I can just imagine Him putting His face in his hands and shaking His head, thinking, “What will it take to get through to you, dear Kallie?”
But He is getting through to me, in a way that I am so incredibly grateful for. I am realizing that I need to understand His love for me. Seems like a basic concept, like something we would start to understand and learn when we are baby Christians, but for me…well, I am learning it now. Never really thought of myself as a slow learner, but I think when it comes to love, I am. (:
And what is awesome is when we have these inspired thoughts, these lightbulbs of realization, God honors our desires and our needs and He speaks love in big and small ways.
Like through a worship service at my church, where He met me in huge ways. Or through small provisions or breakthroughs.
My point here is this. Any of the things that I want to do with my life, or the person I want to be – none of those are going to happen until I begin to understand this basic truth. God loves me. And jeez, we sing that song from birth to death, “Jesus loves me, this I know…” But do we really? Do we know He loves us?
I encourage you to consider this foundational yet mind-blowing truth, that He loves YOU. And He does not just love your good qualities or your accomplishments, He knows your mess and your ugly and yet STILL loves you. Cool, right? Bask in that, today.
Hugs, JOY, and fun.