Category: Jesus

When God Turns Off the TV

.Reading time 11 minutes.

For a while, my question for God has essentially been, “Why won’t you give me what I want?” It sounds incredibly selfish and entitled. It is. But I have justified that question a million times by saying, But I am asking for good things – it’s not like I am trying to justify sin or selfishly get something that doesn’t actually matter. Mostly, I have felt that my deepest desires seem in line with what He calls us to do and be in this life, so why is the answer still no?

I had a bit of a breakthrough with this recently. I was reading in Hebrews 12, where the writer talks about God treating us like His children:

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. If you are not disciplined…then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.” (Hebrews 12:7-8)

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Choosing Hope Over Discouragement: A Path to Joy

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Like an unwanted houseguest, it keeps showing up. In small and large ways, I’m so aware of what I wish was different, or where I feel lacking. Discouragement bubbles up like heartburn, threatening to steal my joy. Each day I glance upon the sticky note I wrote myself, practically taunting me with its reprimand: “Disappointments […]

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For When the Unknown Future Feels Overwhelming

.Reading time 3 minutes.

We want to know it all, Lord. 
Every upcoming event, answer, result. We feel like it would just be best if it was all revealed.

But You know our limits better than we do. You know what our fragile minds and delicate hearts can handle.

You also know that our desire for knowledge is actually our desperate human attempt for control.

Free us from our control freak tendencies.
Help us understand that the unknowns are in much Better Hands.

It can just be so scary, so anxiety-producing, to not know what is coming or how it will all turn out.

Free us from our worries and anxieties.
Help us trust that You, the Creator of all things, know what You are doing.

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Not Yet

.Reading time 9 minutes.

It’s been over a year since I have posted anything on this blog. It hasn’t been a year since I have written; there are probably 5-10 unfinished potential posts laying around on my laptop or in a journal or a note on my phone. I have lots of incomplete thoughts or wonderings, without a whole lot of resolution, which resonates with this season of life in a way. In that year I have birthed a baby and watched him conquer a whole year of life. It should leave a person feeling pretty accomplished, and sometimes it does, but it also leaves me with lots of things not quite complete.

And here we are in a new year, with new hopes and bright outlooks. I try and make things perfect before I share them, and maybe that isn’t the right way to go about it. Sometimes you just have to start, just have to put it out there, in all the raw and imperfectness, to move towards something you’ll be proud of. “Nothing to it but to do it,” as my husband would say.

So here’s to 2024 – a year that I have definite, specific hopes for, but will surely surprise me along the way. I have chosen “yet” as my word for the year. I used it in regular conversation and was struck by it, like inspiration landing right on my shoulder.

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Stop Caring So Much

.Reading time 9 minutes.

I have been thinking a lot recently about overthinking (I know). I caught myself multiple times one morning saying to myself, “…but I’m probably reading into it.” I realized I was giving a lot of mental energy and brain space to how I imagined people were feeling about me or perceiving me, without a whole lot of proof of what was actually true. 

I read some inspiring Pinterest quote later on that said something to the effect of: Unless someone tells me there is a problem, I’m going to assume things are fine. I shouldn’t be wasting time creating problems that might not even be there. My counselor tells me I have a tendency towards “catastrophic thinking” which surely doesn’t help me in this area, but we are working on it.

Because here is the thing. No matter how perceptive or intuitive I am, I might be wrong. I might think someone is upset with me because their text was shorter than it usually is, or imagine that someone isn’t happy about something because they didn’t talk to me about it, but I could be making it all up. What a waste! 

And no matter if I am right or wrong, I don’t have the capacity to be carrying all of that if someone isn’t going to bring it to me themselves. It gets us nowhere, and it’s heavy. I’m not strong enough to carry all of that around all the time.

If this upcoming season of parenthood is teaching me one thing, it is that I have limits and they are beautiful.

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A Liturgy for Big Decisions

.Reading time 4 minutes.

We come before you, Lord, standing at the edge of a big decision. It feels daunting, not knowing where we will land. There are so many ways the road could part; we can feel the paralysis of making a wrong choice. We pause to ask for clarity and direction. We lay down our hurry, and […]

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Finding Hope in the Silence

.Reading time 7 minutes.

I’m not sure where you’re at, but for me this season has felt unending and lacking movement. I find myself asking not just, “What are you doing, Lord?” but also, “Why aren’t you doing anything?” A good friend has articulated recently feeling like God is about to do some big things, but nothing is yet clear and He still seems hidden.

Cue the Christmas story. We imagine it all beginning with Mary with the animals, giving birth to her baby on an itchy pile of hay. But it really begins so much earlier than this, and we learn for ourselves how to pay attention to what God might be doing by looking back at the years leading up to Jesus in the manger.

When we look at Scripture, we flip just one page to transition from the Old Testament to the New Testament, while in reality there are 400 years of silence and space in between the two. 400 years of seemingly nothing from God. No words, no direction, no clarity. And then, suddenly, a baby. This is not the plan that anyone would have imagined. This is not the way we would have pictured God coming out of 400 years of silence. Surely You are preparing something…epic? I’m beginning to realize that I’m believing that God is doing nothing in my life because I have a very specific idea and area of my life where I want and expect Him to be working.

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A Liturgy For A New Season

.Reading time 4 minutes.

We come before you, Lord, at the start of a new season.

So many unknowns are before us. 

We have so many questions, hopes, and fears that remain unanswered. We entrust each one to Your hands.

It is tempting, God, to start imagining all the things that could go wrong prematurely. We grasp at control by ruminating on all the worst case scenarios. 

Help us release our fear and uncertainty, and learn to trust You in each present moment.

There is so much to come; so many potential challenges:

Hardships that may rattle us.

Problems we won’t know how to solve.

Hopes dashed, hearts broken.

And also:

Friends we haven’t met yet.

Joy and excitement over learning and growing. 

Hopes met, and love discovered.

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God and the American Dream

.Reading time 8 minutes.

Faith has felt like a rollercoaster recently; one day I am totally in the right headspace, trusting God in all things and believing His plan is best, and the next I am questioning everything wondering if I even know the God that I have devoted my life to. This is exhausting and scary. If I am honest, in the midst of a challenging and heartbreaking season, my prayers have consisted mostly of questions and swear words. I have small moments of clarity in the midst of it all, but not as often as I’d like. One of those was stumbling on this passage in Habakkuk.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”

Habakkuk 3:17-18

I have been convicted recently of a few things. One, God doesn’t owe us anything. It has been surprisingly easy to create a God in my mind who owes me the American dream. Whatever specific circumstance you are facing, let me say with all the love and grace I have, He doesn’t owe it to you. There are no promises in Scripture telling you that He will bring you a dream job, a spouse, babies, or a white picket fence (or whatever your personal definition might be). And it isn’t just a “be patient and wait on God’s timing” sort of thing. Get comfortable with the idea that those dreams or ideas might not ever be a reality, because God’s promise isn’t that He will give us what we want, but that He will be with us. A mentor reminded me that God isn’t who we have constructed in our minds; He isn’t just “what has worked for us” all along. Suddenly when things aren’t going the way we thought they would or how we wanted them to, we question who God is and if He even loves us (or at least I do, maybe you’re farther along on the journey than I am). It isn’t that God brings challenging circumstances along to “teach us a lesson” (that turns Him into more of an abusive Father than an all-loving God), but that we live in a broken world where things will surely be hard, and if our faith is dependent on God making all of our wildest dreams come true, we will be quickly disappointed and disillusioned with Him. 

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Nobody Needs Cute Faith

.Reading time 8 minutes.

I am learning to depend on Jesus in a way I never have really experienced before. I described it to someone as, “I’m depending on the Lord in a whole new way. A, like, not cute way. More of a desperate way.” I told another friend this and we decided: nobody needs cute faith. Cute faith is fun for Instagram but will not hold you up when your world has been destroyed. Cute faith is good for the summer camp highs but will not offer you the strength and grace and courage to continue on when the storms of life hit. 

You might read some sorrow in these words, and you’d be right. I have been walking through a really hard thing recently that I’m not really ready to share with the “world.” But I still think there are some things I am learning that can be shared, and I never want God’s grace to me to be in vain (2 Corinthians 6:1). So whatever you might be walking through, and whatever “level” of hard it might be, I hope this is a gift to you.

I have been living in Psalm 18, a beautiful story of God rescuing and caring for David in the midst of attack. The word picture of verse 16-17, “He drew me out of deep waters, He rescued me…” has resonated in moments where I felt like I was drowning in my grief and needed saving. In verse 19 it says, “He brought me out into a spacious place, He rescued me because He delighted in me.” Just like the Israelites, we are consistently experiencing God’s rescue and deliverance. We are often found in bondage, and He brings us into the wilderness to escape. And yet, this wilderness is not the promised land. That is a future destination. This is the in between. We spend much of our earthly lives in the wilderness, experiencing mere glimpses of the promised land that we will eventually enjoy. The wilderness is a powerful picture all throughout Scripture, for many different reasons. We see the Israelites there, Jesus spends time there, Paul too. It is often a place of great wrestling, of “doing business” with God. It is a place of enormous growth and equipping. The wilderness is where God meets us. It is often hard, heartbreaking, life-changing, and altogether transformative. We should not come out of the wilderness the same. It is not a place for cute faith, it is meant to cultivate desperate faith. 

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