Firsts and Lasts

We don’t get to do things for the first time all the time. As we age, there are less and less chances to do something for the very first time.

I’ve now gone indoor skydiving (see Instagram), I’ve been baptized, I’ve tried sushi. I have gone on a friend-cation to Mexico, I’ve had a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit, I’ve seen a concert at Red Rocks. I have kissed a boy, ridden a horse, lived on the east and west coast, and seen a sunset in Nicaragua, Hawaii, and Canada. I’ve been a bridesmaid, graduated from grad school, skied down a mountain. I’ll never do any of those things for the first time ever again.

But I am about to experience a whole lot of firsts. First 12 (or 14) hour flight, first time to Dubai and Africa, first time taking 14 college students out of the country. First time being out of the country for three weeks. And who knows all the other firsts we are about to experience?

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God Doesn’t Give Awards (and other things I’m learning)

It has been one of those weeks where I am learning a whole lot of little things. My best friend is always asking the question, “What are you learning?” so, here you go:

Celebration actually is a discipline. Last weekend some friends and I threw a party. It turned out incredibly fun, but the honest truth is that beforehand we were all pretty cranky. It was snowing, we had procrastinated preparation, and just all around were not feeling it. But then it was so fun! And I said to one of them, “This is why celebration is considered a discipline. It is actually work – but it is worth it.” We have to celebrate. Even when life is hard and it doesn’t feel like there is anything to celebrate – there is. There is always something to celebrate. You might just need to look harder. I also learned that you never get too old to be fun. But I can tell you that story some other time.

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Scary Freedom

Galatians 4:7 “So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”

Galatians 4:9 “But no that you know God – or rather are known by God – how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?”

Galatians 4:16 “Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?”

I feel these verses so deeply in every part of me these days. Why do we keep putting ourselves back into our chains? Why do we do this? Why can’t we actually live free? We are no longer slaves.

I told a student this past weekend that as much as we do not want to admit it, we want our chains. Because if we were actually free, so much more would be required of us.

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The Invitation to Your Table

I wake up with that familiar pit in my stomach. Anxiety sits on my stomach like an overweight toddler, waking me up from my sleep. And then God’s voice says: Who are you inviting to sit at your table?

Oh wait, Fear and Shame, how the heck did you two get a seat here? You didn’t. You actually weren’t invited. You show up uninvited all the time. You come in like loud, obnoxious children – acting like you own the place. The worst kind of party crashers.

But this is my table. My mind. My heart. I don’t actually want you here.

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Little Moments

The eleven-year-old sixth grader got into the car, slammed the door shut, and sat in silence. I tried to make conversation but she clearly was not having any of it. In silence, we drove to pick up her two younger siblings from their school. When we all arrived back at their house, she ran up […]

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Tell Me Your Story

I’m teaching a class for freshman and one of their assignments is to share their testimony with the class. They were nervous, not excited to get up in front of their classmates and share something so vulnerable. I sat in the back of the classroom and watched as they sat in the chair at the […]

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Out of Hiding

To be seen, and in that moment to know that I am loved immediately and fully, is the most overwhelmingly beautiful experience I will ever know.

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Life Mantras and Ankle Tattoos

It is a cliche Christian college girls question: “Which bible guy would you want to marry?” Ew gross I can’t believe I really participated in that conversation. But alas, it happened. My answer was Joshua. My thought process was pretty simple: Joshua wasn’t a screw-up. (This probably has something to do with my expectations of […]

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The Lie of Disappointment

Expectations for myself this week: Do everything perfectly. Treat everyone perfectly. Solve all the problems, finish all the work, be everyone’s everything. All the while, with unending JOY and energy. Reality for myself this week: That all went pretty well…on Monday. Ever feel this way? By Tuesday, I was tired, definitely had not finished all […]

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